A real feel good day

Ever have one of those moments that stays with you??

I had one today. Just have to share.

I was eating lunch today with a co-worker, when he all of a sudden turned purple.

It was obvious that part of the burger he had been eating got stuck in his throat.

Years ago I had taken a CPR certification class. So I got behind him and did the heimlich maneuver. Out came the burger. In came the fresh air again.

So many times lunch breaks happen all alone. Gosh, I am glad I had lunch at the same time he did today. So is he.

I feel really good. Like there was a real purpose to the day.

Stale cookies anyone?

I seem to be in a reminiscing type mood today...

I wish I could say I have a big exciting life outside of this screen... but now that Amy is older.. nope.. no exciting life lol.

I remember when Amy was younger.. my home was a non-stop activity center for every child in the neighborhood. There were days that I would wake up early to the sound of a child or two or three playing on the swingset waiting for us to open the curtains so they could invite themselves to breakfast.

I never minded. Seemed the more kids there were, the busier they stayed and the easier it was on me. We never had any money back then, and I dont remember it often making a bit of difference.. except when trying to pay for all those popsicles, packets of kool-aid, sandwiches, and I couldn't buy enough bags of Mother's Cookies.

I swear my neighbors saved a fortune on daycare by pushing their kids out the door to "go play at Amy's house". Some would stay almost up to bedtime. And not a single parent ever offered me a penny. Oh well, Amy loved it.

One of their favorite things was a giant trunk full of clothes, shoes, hats, scarves and accessories that we collected from my closets and from the local thrift shop. I wish I had some of the group shots or pics of some of the plays they used to put on to entertain me, but with money as tight as it was, I didn't take too many pictures. The few that I did take.. most were handed to the kids to take home to their parents.

Here is one that I kept of Amy and her best friend Elizabeth. I had a lot of pics of them, as I ended up taking Elizabeth in for the summer so her mom could get herself together. Liz is a mom herself now, with two kids of her own.. Recently I sent a bunch of the photos to her. Her kids got a big kick out of seeing mom when she was young and being silly.

It's hard for me to think of Amy and Liz as adults. In my heart they will always be like the picture above.

So I guess what I am saying is, I hope, for those of you that have younger children (even grandchildren) that you all are spending time with them.. they grow so fast.. and one day you will buy a bag of Mother's cookies and they will go stale... then you will know the kids are grown.

Bubbles!

Ahhhhhhh.. gosh, what a great way to erase a long day at work.

Now for some fun on SL!

Random facts, shhhh don't tell

I saw talk of a 25 random things blog. I thought about trying to do that, but... well I don't seem to be very good at just following along. So I decided I would do a random things blog but with a twist.. which I would like to call:

Two Truths and A Lie

Yes below .. in each three, one is a fallacy. If I do it correctly (lol) you will know a bit more about me, but still be left wondering.. what you know.. for sure. Since I am writing as I think of them, I don't know how obvious some will be from conversations I have had...

1. I love chocolate (all kinds!)

2. I love peanut butter and pickle sandwiches

3. I love Manwich with pork and beans mixed in

1. I didn't learn to drive until I was 22

2. I have only had 1 speeding ticket

3. I give my car a birthday present every year

1. When I swim laps in a pool I have to swim clockwise or I get dizzy

2. I am a fanatical exercise person

3. I weighed 76 pounds at age 23

1. I have died three times in the last 50 years

2. I have saved a persons life

3. I performed CPR on a kitten

1. I was evicted once after only two days of residency

2. I lived under the stairs of my home towns public library

3. I lived in a tent one summer

1. I was arrested for stealing road signs

2. A person was murdered on my front door step

3. My mom and stepdad were convicted of murder

1. I love cats

2. I love dogs

3. I love birds

1. I lost my virginity two weeks after my 17th birthday

2. I have been married 3 times

3. I have had a lesbian relationship

1. I was a home coming queen

2. I was a cheerleader

3. I was a band geek

1. I was expelled from school 4 times in one year

2. I was a near straight A student

3. I was always the teachers pet

1. I am afraid of heights

2. I am afraid of spiders

3. I am afraid of snakes

1. I love to mow the lawn

2. I love to iron

3. I love to wash dishes

Okay.... there... now you all know me so much better! Hmmmm or do you?

They're here! They're here!!

This is some pretty exciting time coming up in the deesue household. Our all time favorite month of the year is weeks away!

Sunday brought in the good news that the pitchers and catchers have returned for another season and baseball is just around the corner!!! A major, major deal for us!

I have yet to book our tickets, but we will spend at least 2 of my precious days off sitting in, what I hope to be blazing sun, getting burnt to a crisp.... while we eat hot dogs and drink giant ice cold lemonades, and cheer our lungs out for our Florida Marlins.

Normally we would be at the ballpark every Sunday and a few days during the week... but... that was before the Dodgers left.. it was so nice to have a ballpark just 15 minutes away from home. We have had some amazing years of memories there...

Amy's birthday is also in March. We have always been at a game. Most years we got lucky and the Marlins were playing the Dodgers on that day... (then Amy had to struggle to choose who to root for)

I hope the Marlins stadium is even half as fan friendly as Dodgertown was! They treated Amy like a special #1 fan. She has an amazing collection of autographed balls, broken bats, souvenier lunchboxes, seat cushions, posters, pins, hats and shirts...

Her favorite birthday will always be the day she met Tommy LaSorda... we saw him in his golf cart putting through to batting practice. He stopped and while Amy was telling him that it was her birthday, I was happily snapping pictures for the photo album. After we walked away I looked into the screen to review the pictures and realized my camera had messed up.. omg the pictures were so blurry they were unsee-able! I felt like the worst mom in the world.

So I said, "Let's just walk by his cart again and I will try to get some pics of him in the background behind you". As we walked up Tommy saw Amy and said "Hey birthday girl! Are you back again?" and... Amy ratted me out! and told him that I messed up the pictures. (darn kid!)

He was so sweet he cleared the crowd and said "Okay mom, let's get these pics right this time!"

and I did.. lol

Then we went and watched them get beat by the Marlins, hehe..

her favorite player is Cody Ross (who started out as a Dodger then became a Marlin)

Oh yeah,, I cant wait to add some more smiles to the baseball memory banks.

Is that mint I smell?

I am a very, very healthy person. I can sometimes go years without anything major... a sniffle now and then, but since I quit smoking cigarettes the longest I usually carry a cold is 3 days.. (oh boy I hope I am not jinxing my health Karma right now)

But there are times when it completely takes over and runs full force... and I usually have a warning system... I start eating everything in sight. Which isn't quite as noticeable now that I have tried to form better eating habits.. but when I was younger and would go a day or two without a meal.. it was very obvious! It is like my bodies way of saying.. major crisis coming up.. fuel.. put in fuel!!!

I think I have only had the flu really, really, really bad twice. Once right after I met me now ex-husband.. (bragged about how healthy I always am and two days later I passed out while changing Amy's diaper.. oops) Thank goodness he was there at the time!

The other time was about 9 or so years ago now.... Man, what a fever! I was working fulltime at our restaurant appliance repair business, never got days off and here I was at home with this raging fever. So I tried to kick back in the recliner chair and take it easy... But I was sooo bored!

Then I started noticing all the nail and tack holes left in the walls from when I had taken down all the Christmas decorations. I still hadn't redecorated after taking all the stuff down. Gosh there were a lot of little holes... and all those white walls.. just staring at me.... begging me for repair....

So I headed out to the garage to see if we had any hole filler stuff and a hole filler stuff tool... (I know you are all impressed with my construction knowledge here aren't you?) lol

But I can't find any... dangit.. These holes are driving me nuts! I swear they are getting bigger (in my fevered state of being) .. Then I remembered hearing something about renters sometimes using white toothpaste to fill small holes so they could get their deposit back.

So I grabbed the Colgate toothpaste (with whitening power) what could be better? and I spent the whole afternoon filling in little holes.. Gosh I was so pleased with the results when I was done... then I proceeded to pass out on the couch and finally get that much needed rest.

When my ex got home from work... he said instantly he noticed our home smelled so "minty" fresh... lol! Then he noticed my repair. Now he was real nice about it...but later when I was back to my normal self again.. I couldn't help but notice that the walls looked really bad lol. And when the sun hit those walls you could see what looked like hundred's of shiny spots (must have been that whitening power..lol)

Note to future repair people... toothpaste may work for a very tiny spot but if you have over, say, 50 or so holes..... DON'T USE TOOTHPASTE! lol

Nice thing is it motivated my ex to actually repair them correctly and then repaint the whole room.. so it all worked out....

But it got me to wondering about two things... One: do others do weird things that seem totally normal when they are in the midst of a real high fever... and by others... I mean you.... and Two: do you have a clear sign - warning system telling you you are going to be getting sick???

Florida and the wildlife

On my way home from work yesterday morning, as I drove by the little lake down the street, I saw a pretty good sized turtle climbing up the bank.

I wish I had had my camera with me.. because as soon as I stepped out of my car he started up this "posture" dance... I've always heard of turtles as being so slow.. but here he was scraping his back legs into the ground sending up this spray of dirt.. like he was peeling out at the track or something .. lol.

I'm thinking he must have thought my black firebird was like the biggest turtle he'd come across in some time.. (ok ever) but he wasn't backing down for a second. Darn I wish I had a picture of it... makes me smile everytime I picture it in my mind... lol.

The wildlife here is one of the many things I love about Florida.

On any given day I can sit out in the screen room and see cardinals, turtles, (the pic is of a turtle that lives in my back yard munching mango's all summer long) kingfishers, grackles, hummingbirds, mockingbirds, owls, even had a wild turkey that used to fly in (ok I didnt see him fly.. he just kept appearing and standing in the yard) although I haven't seen him since last... oh no.. since before Thanksgiving... oh dear..., there are long necked crane as big as ostriches that show up in herds in my front yard to feed, cow birds, and during the hurricanes we even had a parakeet walk up the driveway. I have a few bunny rabbits living in the landscaping, frogs and lizards all around the screened room and squirrels everywhere.

I haven't seen an armadillo yet in my yard, although I see them alongside of the road all the time... hmmm.. come to think of it.. that's the only time I've seen them... feet up... roadkill... same goes for the racoons... never in my yard.. just roadkill...

Down at one of the state buildings downtown they have a little creek... err canal... uhh waterway running through that is stocked with all kinds of different fish. Most look like they could be living in someone's aquarium and turtles laying out on the waters edge or posed on the rocks in the water tanning their little shells.. I can sit and stare at them for hours.. so relaxing.

Seeing how many of nature's creatures have made the choice to live here lets me know I'm not totally nuts in wanting to live here also.

Can't seem to let go

As I have mentioned a bit... my daughter is 30 now, and has multiple handicaps. For those who are not familiar with her.. she has cerebral palsy that effects mainly her left side, she is totally blind (as of 4 months ago) and she also is developmentally delayed in most areas.... In other words, I'm one of the lucky ones in that she can do quite a few things but needs some assistance in little ways in most every thing she does throughout the day.

I have made the choice to keep her at home and raise her instead of handing her off to some kind of group home that will shuffle her around until she is just one of the masses... but the older she gets, the more the "agencies and their representatives" are inferring that I am just an over-protective mother that needs to learn to let go. I have held strong to my beliefs that no one knows her the way I do, no one protects her the way I do (she is such an easy mark, so gullible and so emotionally innocent) and that the best place for her is with her loving mom. Am I wrong?

I was raised for a part of my childhood in foster care.. and while I loved one mom that I was lucky to get (thank you mom Yadon!) for the most part... my foster home experience was full of neglect, abuse (of all kinds) and extreme sadness. I equate disabled group homes with that experience because the few I have been in, I viewed "clients" sitting alone in chairs staring at nothing, laying in their beds in rooms with no company, or herded around in groups. I feel terrible that I am talking in such generalities.. but that is my experience.

Amy's days are full of love, and someone (okay me) who says.. "Does that shirt actually match those pants?" "Do you realize your shoes are on the wrong feet?" "Oh come on.. I know you can speak clearer than that" "Lets do something different with your hair this morning." Someone who reads articles out of the newspaper to her, points out if a show is on t.v. that she may not have noticed, offers to go swimming with her and double checks to make sure "everything" is covered properly before she walks out the door. We shop together, plan meals together, talk baseball together and take drives and laugh together when we get lost..

As I said earlier she needs little "helps" throughout her day... from assistance in dressing, fixing her hair and "personal" needs, to cutting her food into bite sized pieces, and helping her dial the phone, to holding her hand when she steps out of the house. She doesn't have mathematical abilities, and until she lost the last of her sight.. could only read simple words in a 2-3" size, and write a simple signature of Amy A. We have tried some of the assisted work programs, but the assistant always ended up doing all the work, so we gave up on that..

While there is a tiny part of me that would love to have an adult life without having to be "needed" all the time, to have alone time with other.. adults. I can't imagine the guilt of knowing that I had time and love... and that my daughter was living with some group home parent.. who most likely feels over-worked, under-paid and under-appreciated.

So am I over-protective? Probably but... I have a 30 year old daughter who is a non-smoking, non-drinking, non-cussing, virgin who has never suffered abuse. Would she be all those if she had been handed over to a group home for her care? If I were to let go of her... and any harm came to her... I just could never forgive myself.

What would you do in my place? Do you know anyone who is in a similar circumstance? What did they do? How did it work out?

Brrrrrr

omg.. help me I am freezing this morning!

Someone send some warm air this way!!

I can't take it!

It is bad when I am only going to work because they turn the heat on in the store...

*note to self* get heater checked out before next winter....

Growing up.. SL style

So one day... I was out for a walk... enjoying what Sl life has to offer.. but wishing for more.

It is hard to be a single avatar in an Sl world. Not that I want to be tied to some routine, but.. there is more to offer in this world than I am seeing, experiencing... and .. so ... little deesue, cute little barbie deesue.... decided to grow up a bit.

I will kind of miss her. She was easy to see past. Others would walk right by her and not even notice she was there.. which.. for the start of my SL life.. was a good thing. It gave me a chance to look around. See what others do. how they are, act, think, behave...

Then with a little help from my advisor... deesue went shopping.. oh boy did she go shopping! New skin, shape, lots of hair, clothes... even added the perfect ao....

and ta da..... the new deesue.. made her appearance.

I'm still me, always will be.... but now maybe someone will want to dance with me.... for another reason other than poor deesue has no one to dance with.

Different times

I was watching some kids playing in their yard this weekend and I found myself feeling sad for them. Maybe they don't even realize what they are missing.. how different things were for their parents and grandparents... the freedom that days off.. that summer offered...

Here they are trapped in their yard with mom checking out the window every few minutes just to make sure no one is driving by preparing to grab them and cart them away...

I feel so lucky to have been raised back in the 70's and out in the country. Each day was an adventure, and there were days that we left in the morning and didn't return until the sun was going down. We hiked in the woods, we trekked along the back roads to the lake, we joined with countless others to earn a few bucks picking strawberries for the local growers.. and some days we spent just playing baseball in the field and sitting up in the apple, plum and cherry trees eating until we were sick.

Summers were great! I remember missing a lot of my friends from school, because back in those days we had a party line (a lot of people now don't even know what that is I bet.. lol) and you couldn't tie up the phone just talking to your friends because the lady down the street might need the phone .. or might just be listening.. lol.

The first days back in school were like reunions and everyone had their stories to tell about how they had spent their summer. At the time I was envious of those that went on fancy vacation trips.. although a few summers I did get to go away to camp and that gave me all kinds of stories to share!

Now as I think back.. I am so glad that we got to have the type summers we had, and that I got to have those carefree days before the world evolved into what it is today!

Poetry of Reflection

I light a candle of hope... because nothing in this life is impossible....

The happy face the people see

the inside darkness that is me..

in my mind

The outer shell so very tough

the inside full of shaking stuff..

in my heart

A smile, a laugh, a joke

a sigh, a tear, a choke..

in my being

Try to see me as I truly am

under this external sham..

in my soul

What will be your reaction

if you find there's still attraction..

to my life

Will you stumble blindly on,

will you choose to still be gone..

from my life