Thursday, April 25, 2013

It begins with a single step

I have never had a problem with failing at things. There are a lot of things I am flat out NOT good at, and I'm okay with that. Most times. Sure I would like to be as skilled as others around me, but if the world didn't have spectators.. who would the talented people perform for?? Ah yes, life makes a place for each of us.

Throughout this journey of living, I have found a way to be happy with what has been handed me.. no matter how meager it has been at times.

It is so darned easy to see the things around me that can be adjusted, tweaked, shined, lifted up, coddled, and sometimes replaced to make things better.

Trying to find the key to my own inner peace has been the biggest challenge lately. Somewhere along the line I stopped looking from within and made the mistake of thinking others would hold that key.

No doubt in my mind we need others to help us along the way, but only we can answer those voices from within. Only we can feed our souls. Only we can make the changes we need to get ourselves pointed back in the right direction.

Some of the sounds within me are muffled right now, and maybe that's a good thing. New journeys come from reinvention. I've always loved to move.. physically and spiritually.. a time to start fresh and clean.

I wonder what lies ahead? I'm ready to find out.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

1 + 2 = Lucky Me

I'm a train wreck at times.. no doubt about it.

All my life I've been alone to fend for myself..

Until now.

See those two crazy ladies I got my arms around up there??

Keiki and Angi.. the two best things to ever happen to me...

How they see past my faults, I havent a clue, but they do.

These two never let me go, no matter how bad I get

and somehow they see in me something I don't.

Hope some day I can be what they see.. until then..

Angi and Keiki.. I love ya ladies.. we are a hell of a threesome.

(was gonna title this "the best threesome ever" but didnt want the hits that title would bring lol)

Monday, April 22, 2013

You're not enough

look at them,
how they succeed
why cant you
be like them
go back in your shell
like a turtle

the world isn't
a good place
for the likes of you
you're not enough
they all know
you should too

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Sometimes the best reaction is none

Here I am back at this site again. Why?

Easy. you don't talk back. I can say what I want without someone responding. Without seeing a sad face, a disappointed look, a smile when I don't want to see one. The safety of non-reaction.

Yes, that is why I blog.

It has been almost 5 years now since my daughter lost her sight. My life changed then. It has never been the same. I have never been the same. It was more than just her losing her sight (which was astronomical) .. it was the days that I lost faith, lost hope.. that, somehow, no matter what we went through it would all be okay.

Did our life go on? Do we live an okay life? Do we love each other with all our hearts? Yes.

Can I ever look at a problem now and see anything but the worst outcome? No.. and it has changed me.

I wish I had someone to turn to.. to just .. be there.. but I cant, because I cant be real with anyone ever again. I need the safety of non-reaction.

Re-reads what she wrote.. posts and returns the smile to her face, walking back into the world to be what everyone expects her to be.. *whispers* I will see you again soon. there is so much I need to be able to say.