Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My Biological Mom .. the novel

Recently, I was asked about my family, specifically my relationship with my mom, hmmm. I have been trying to figure out, for a few months, how to put into writing something about her. She is an important part of why I am, what I am, where I am, and who I am..

My mom is a very unique person. I love her very much for bringing me into the world. She had been raised by her grandparents who, when mom was only 14 gave her their blessing to marry my father who was 21 and in the Navy. (no she was not pregnant) It took her a while TO get pregnant.. but I was born 2 weeks before her 16th birthday. Then 13 months later she had my brother Leonard and not long after that my brother Tom.. who oops, has a different father .. she and dad divorced soon after.. and there she was, an 18 year old with 3 babies... a baby herself.. who hadn't had a childhood.. it is no wonder why she lost custody of us soon after the divorce.

I don't have a lot of early memories of her, but I have the image of her being a good mother.. I just think she was too young. We were reunited again when I was 15... 10 long years later.

When I hear of her life in those years. I am glad we were not with her. She gave birth to two more children (both of which she gave up custody of) she married I think 3 times in those years.. the marriage thing with my mom is a confusing subject.. It is hard to pinpoint exact numbers.. and then there is the issue of legal marriages and not actually legal marriages.. (like the minor detail of ..had you actually divorced the last one before the ceremony of the next one?) During that time she also did 17 months in a federal prison for check fraud, and the rest of the years she did.. pretty much .. anything it took to have money in her pocket and a roof over her head. It would not have been a good place for us 3 kids to be.

Life with mom as a teenager was fun! She was more like a friend then a mom, which to a 15 year old is great.. now that I am older I realize it wasn't in my best interest. I do give my mom credit for teaching me to be more confident in myself, she also taught me how to have fun. Unfortunately she also "let" me smoke, skip school, date, shoplifted in front of me, taught me the art of stocking up on groceries by writing bad checks on the way out of town, etc.

Living with her I witnessed so many different lifestyles from the poorest to some of the richest. While I only lived with her for about 2 years (off and on) before I moved out on my own.. we packed a lot of life into that time.

I did move back in with her a few times after that for a month or two here and there.. and then much later on ... she moved in with me for a while.

The biggest example my mom has been to me.. is what NOT to be or do. I don't say that to be cruel, I know that for the most part she has a good heart.. but she is the queen of bad choices... in her friends, in her lifestyle choices, in her life.

Anything that I have done wrong or bad in my life.. my mom has done worse. Sadly, it reflects in her later adult life. She is still a beautiful woman but you can see how living hard has affected every part of her. She is worn and tired. She has had strokes which could be from genetics or methamphetamines. Honesty is not one of her strong suits.

At age 52 she and her present husband (number 7? 8?) were a major part of a shoot out over a big drug buy gone bad and an 18 year old boy ended up dead. It was later proven that although my mom played Annie Oakley and shot every shot she could (along with her husband) the fatal shot ended up being from the gun of their friend... who is still in prison, and very rightly so. My mom and step father did about 5 years each for the parts they played. No offense, but it should have been more. It was their deal, their confrontation.

I ended up paying all of both of their restitution bills so they could leave southern California.. and because of their probations they were released to the custody of my area and in all technicality to me. I purchased them a 5th wheel trailer and they lived in my driveway for wayyyyy too long. I employed her husband at my business until I couldn't take it another day and I had to uh.. let him go. (oh the guilt!)

Part of the reason I am here in Florida, instead of Washington state.. is because the Bank of deesue could not afford to keep its doors open anymore. My clients only withdrew funds but never made payments in return. Since then, these clients have still attempted to use said closed accounts.. but when the banker is across the United States it is much easier to rubber stamp with "request denied"

I know this isn't what you may expect as a blog... but it really isn't a sad story... it's just "life with my mom". I have always been more her mom then the other way around... I find she holds some kind of spell over me... I can forgive her for most anything, I will always love her, and worry about her.. but this baby bird can no longer let the momma bird back in her nest. I finally had to let her go.

Wow, this ended up long.. sorry if you made it to the end.. chalk this one up to Facebook therapy... I needed to get this out. Now, to start coming up with normal blogs.. hmm what ARE normal blogs?

*Oh.. and for anyone that read back to older blogs.. another clue into "Two truths and a Lie" revealed.*

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