kicking back

What an amazing amount of changes my life has gone through (that being my sl life) since I joined in August.

I've gone from bumping into the walls (okay still do that on occasion) to kicking back on my own island paradise. I intend to have a party soon when I can figure out how to fit into the hectic Wellstone schedule.

I have gone from floating on my own to falling in .. umm strong like... to back to floating on my own. Time travels so fast in SL. What feels like forever today, tomorrow is.. well, the past.

No matter what road I choose though... it is .. all fun. Can't wait to start my next new adventure.

So for now.. Let's dance!

No news is not always good news

News... I've always dreaded watching it. All the bad news, all the fluff filler stories over and over.

The other day I was talking to a friend who said she was going to give up watching the news. I can sure understand the concept.. but not watching the news could have cost me my life (and Amy's).

In 1980, I was living in Washington state. Amy had just turned 2. The guy I was dating at the time decided we should take a road trip across the state to visit some friends of his in eastern washington. We spent Friday night there then Saturday headed back for the western side of the state.

It was a beautiful day in May.. the perfect time to be in Washington. As we made our way back we decided to take a little detour and drive to Mt. St. Helen's .. my gosh it was standing up there in the sky so regally just calling to us!

As we got closer to the campground areas we noticed a lot of other people had the same idea we did.. the place was packed! We drove through a couple places that were way too full and finally found a place that we thought.. heck let's just pull over here and sleep and we will drive the rest of the way back tomorrow after we get a chance to play around a little near the recreation area.

I started to get a sleeping area set up for Amy and grabbed a bottle and some formula.. then noticed.. Darn it! that was the last bottle. So, totally bummed we realized we couldn't stay... started the car and headed the rest of the way back to my house.

We got in pretty late, fell asleep and the next day awoke... to a pitch black day. I had never seen anything like it. I stepped out my front door and the whole world was dark like the middle of the night but grey. Not just the sky.. the trees, the ground, the air.. you could not breath without breathing in ... grey! What the heck??? I rechecked the clock and we had actually slept in until like noon.. and yet it was dark.

So I turned on the radio and that is when I heard that Mt. St Helen's had erupted. I guess it had been spitting plumes of smoke and puffs of lava for a while, actually weeks , months... it was just a matter of time.. but since it had taken so long, most people thought it wouldn't happen or at least that it wouldn't happen that soon. (I would have known this had I ever watched the news.)

Where we had been parked.. was devastated.. The whole area for 236 square miles.. was destroyed. Most of the people there.. did get away.. some did not. Would we have... I don't know.
I know where I was living was at the lower end of the river run off area.. and it was horrible, and yet we were hundreds of miles away. I had to tape all the windows and door edges of the house.. because the ash was so fine that it infiltrated everywhere and with Amy's weak lungs she was in extreme danger. We had to wear face masks to leave the house.

I lasted about 1 week living like that.. then I talked my boyfriend into loading all of mine and Amy's stuff (luckily we didn't have much) and driving us to California to move to the high desert where my mom was living at the time. It was horrible trying to drive out of town.. the car started choking up.. we ended up at the auto parts store.. we had a totally ash clogged air filter.. we ended up having to replace it again as we got out of Washington.

I have tried to watch at least the local news since then. I realized it wasn't safe to live in a bubble and that some news is actually good to know.

Mt. St. Helen's erupted Sunday morning somewhere near 8am May 18, 1980.

I am so proud!

What an amazing evening I just had. So much fun.

I have talked a bit about my daughter. She goes to a day program for handicapped adults. The main focus of her group is drama and music. They put on some excellent performances mostly for the local retirement homes... but tonight they did their second big, big performance at a local theater that packs in big name performers.

It was... an outstanding show... and I wanted to share the (okay badly done lol) video I shot with my little camera.

Ladies and gentlemen.. my daughter Amy:

Where is my line?

Since I started this account under my SL name... I have decided to blur the lines between SL and RL.. which gets easier and easier to do as I spend more time in SL.

While some enter the SL world to be and do things they never could be.. I find that I fall more into the category of... deesue is so much like RL me. Likes to have fun, tease, flirt, shop, play, and loves to be with friends... she also needs her quiet, alone times... to just be... deesue.

I live in a house built by Shinigama Kayo. It is amazing. Big, beautiful and.. peaceful. When my music stream isn't playing .. you can hear water, chimes and birds. (The same is true in my RL home)

Deesue and I share a love for clothes and shoes. Although she wears a lot more stilleto's then I do lol. We both have wayyy more than the average person would seem necessary. Clothes... in RL or SL.. I love to be creative, am well known for changing my outfits to match the activity of the moment, and have to do mounds of laundry in RL because of that.

I am finding I am getting more adventurous in deesue's attire. I entered a bathing suit contest last night... I wear booty shorts that show half my booty lol, and in RL I would never go dancing in silks lol.. but a conversation I had last night with Jane2 got me to thinking... I really DO have a line I don't cross.. even in SL.

Whether RL or SL... I have certain parts of "me" that are saved for that .. special person that I may choose to .. ummm share a pose ball with lol

I wonder if that will change after I have been on SL for a longer time? In some ways I hope it doesn't. It hasn't changed for me in all these years in RL...

How about you? Is your avatar an extension of RL you?? Or just a cartoon figure with no conscience or consequences?

My Biological Mom .. the novel

Recently, I was asked about my family, specifically my relationship with my mom, hmmm. I have been trying to figure out, for a few months, how to put into writing something about her. She is an important part of why I am, what I am, where I am, and who I am..

My mom is a very unique person. I love her very much for bringing me into the world. She had been raised by her grandparents who, when mom was only 14 gave her their blessing to marry my father who was 21 and in the Navy. (no she was not pregnant) It took her a while TO get pregnant.. but I was born 2 weeks before her 16th birthday. Then 13 months later she had my brother Leonard and not long after that my brother Tom.. who oops, has a different father .. she and dad divorced soon after.. and there she was, an 18 year old with 3 babies... a baby herself.. who hadn't had a childhood.. it is no wonder why she lost custody of us soon after the divorce.

I don't have a lot of early memories of her, but I have the image of her being a good mother.. I just think she was too young. We were reunited again when I was 15... 10 long years later.

When I hear of her life in those years. I am glad we were not with her. She gave birth to two more children (both of which she gave up custody of) she married I think 3 times in those years.. the marriage thing with my mom is a confusing subject.. It is hard to pinpoint exact numbers.. and then there is the issue of legal marriages and not actually legal marriages.. (like the minor detail of ..had you actually divorced the last one before the ceremony of the next one?) During that time she also did 17 months in a federal prison for check fraud, and the rest of the years she did.. pretty much .. anything it took to have money in her pocket and a roof over her head. It would not have been a good place for us 3 kids to be.

Life with mom as a teenager was fun! She was more like a friend then a mom, which to a 15 year old is great.. now that I am older I realize it wasn't in my best interest. I do give my mom credit for teaching me to be more confident in myself, she also taught me how to have fun. Unfortunately she also "let" me smoke, skip school, date, shoplifted in front of me, taught me the art of stocking up on groceries by writing bad checks on the way out of town, etc.

Living with her I witnessed so many different lifestyles from the poorest to some of the richest. While I only lived with her for about 2 years (off and on) before I moved out on my own.. we packed a lot of life into that time.

I did move back in with her a few times after that for a month or two here and there.. and then much later on ... she moved in with me for a while.

The biggest example my mom has been to me.. is what NOT to be or do. I don't say that to be cruel, I know that for the most part she has a good heart.. but she is the queen of bad choices... in her friends, in her lifestyle choices, in her life.

Anything that I have done wrong or bad in my life.. my mom has done worse. Sadly, it reflects in her later adult life. She is still a beautiful woman but you can see how living hard has affected every part of her. She is worn and tired. She has had strokes which could be from genetics or methamphetamines. Honesty is not one of her strong suits.

At age 52 she and her present husband (number 7? 8?) were a major part of a shoot out over a big drug buy gone bad and an 18 year old boy ended up dead. It was later proven that although my mom played Annie Oakley and shot every shot she could (along with her husband) the fatal shot ended up being from the gun of their friend... who is still in prison, and very rightly so. My mom and step father did about 5 years each for the parts they played. No offense, but it should have been more. It was their deal, their confrontation.

I ended up paying all of both of their restitution bills so they could leave southern California.. and because of their probations they were released to the custody of my area and in all technicality to me. I purchased them a 5th wheel trailer and they lived in my driveway for wayyyyy too long. I employed her husband at my business until I couldn't take it another day and I had to uh.. let him go. (oh the guilt!)

Part of the reason I am here in Florida, instead of Washington state.. is because the Bank of deesue could not afford to keep its doors open anymore. My clients only withdrew funds but never made payments in return. Since then, these clients have still attempted to use said closed accounts.. but when the banker is across the United States it is much easier to rubber stamp with "request denied"

I know this isn't what you may expect as a blog... but it really isn't a sad story... it's just "life with my mom". I have always been more her mom then the other way around... I find she holds some kind of spell over me... I can forgive her for most anything, I will always love her, and worry about her.. but this baby bird can no longer let the momma bird back in her nest. I finally had to let her go.

Wow, this ended up long.. sorry if you made it to the end.. chalk this one up to Facebook therapy... I needed to get this out. Now, to start coming up with normal blogs.. hmm what ARE normal blogs?

*Oh.. and for anyone that read back to older blogs.. another clue into "Two truths and a Lie" revealed.*

Solid Potato Salad

This has got to be one of the most unusual music videos I have seen in a while! Keep watching past the first minute.... youch! Flexible!

How I spend my days

It has been a while since I blogged. Not that I haven't had things to say, but work has been.. well WORK lately.. lol

When I took over dairy/frozen food I never dreamed how hard I would be working. Somehow I had a picture in my mind that I would stand, smile, and turn pictures on products so they faced forward and looked pretty. Hmmm, okay I guess I do that too.. but getting it ordered, on the shelf, looking pretty and than counting it all, documenting and justifying it to the corporate office makes it a whole bunch more than just what I was thinking.

Luckily I don't have to touch the four aisles of frozen food often.. but the dairy dept is my baby from end to end. All things touched and set by me.. So I thought I would share my little (not so little) part of the store.... yes this is where I spend my days.. Wish I was a better photographer. Thank goodness I rock as a dairy manager! lol

The main part of the dairy:

the cheese section:

the organic section:

the juice section:

Don't I have a pretty department???

And the space shuttle rockets red glare

I come home from the best day at the ball game and then what?????

Step out my front door and watch the space shuttle lift off.. omg I love living where I am!!!

I only wish I had a camera that truly reflected what I see when the shuttles lift off.. it is... amazing.. each and every time!

Play Ball!

We started out at 10am... arrived by 11... walked, souvenier shopped, and ate for two hours.. then ...

Play Ball!

omg we had such a great time watching the Florida Marlin's lose big time to the New York Mets today at Roger Dean Stadium.

The weather was A #1 perfect! Low 80's with a touch of clouds to take the bite out of the direct rays... Our seats were so perfectly behind home plate

that I could make the call of strike or ball before the umpire could... we were surrounded by pitching scouts with speed guns, who got such a kick at what a big fan my cheering kiddo is...

We went for the "must have" Dean Dog... which was HUGE! We bought new hats, Amy got a new shirt... and we drank enough to keep us from turning into pools of nothing in the heat...

The first four innings we thought we had a lock on a winning game! (When Amy's favorite player, #12 Cody Ross, hit a home run and we were leading 4 to 0.... )

then... the A team left the field and the rookies started playing... hmmmm or should I say attempting to play and not very well.

Then the game turned ... and by the end.. we lost 10 to 5.. eeks! Thank goodness it is only a practice game and doesn't count! (Something we always say when we lose a spring training game! lol)

We are lightly burnt and still grinning ear to ear.. what a great place to live... we are in baseball heaven.

Destination.. life

Fiercely independent, slightly afraid, but excited of the life ahead... she walked away from the life she had known for way too many years.

With a last glance around, she left the keys on the counter and walked out the door.

The sun was shining a little brighter when she stepped out the door, her smile was even bigger, her heart beat loudly in anticipation.

The drive to her new home, her new life, was a short one. She had waited and planned so long, she didn't have to go far to begin anew.

While parking the car in the driveway, the tears began to flow. Free, she was finally free.

She entered a house full of boxes, but empty of furniture. It didn't matter. Soon it would be full of new and hand selected things, chosen just for her. Things of comfort, things of serenity, things of joy, of peace.

and here she is one year later... one very happy, peaceful year later. She is no longer afraid. She remembers how strong she has always been, how happy she can be no matter what life throws at her, how many things she can do.

She will never let her life turn into what it was in the past again.

Happy Anniversary rl deesue! Happy Anniversary house! Happy Anniversary life!