Saturday, June 15, 2013

Recurring Dreams

I stand in the middle of a huge arena. A skating rink maybe.. all I know is it round, with highly polished floors, slippery. I have a ball.. like a bowling ball but with no holes.

No one is there to tell me the rules but somehow I know I need to get this ball to the side.
The floor is flat, it looks so easy. I roll the ball as hard as I can but no matter what.. before it can reach the edge.. it rolls back to me. Over and over I try.

Sometimes it gets so close I start to celebrate, then there that damn ball is right by my feet again. Sometimes even though I push it hard it only rolls a few feet then comes rushing back to me. Over and over all night.. I wake up frustrated..

I dream this dream over and over for most of the years of my childhood. Every  once in a while it sneaks into my adulthood.. exactly the same.. and never any success.

What does it mean and why can I never get completely rid of it.. sighs. I'm so glad, for the most part I forget what I've dreamt as soon as I wake up.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I want to

Tears well
in my eyes
My heart
for trust
I can't
Arms open
to me
I can't
I want to.
Fear rules
my life
I can't
I need to.
See me
I can't
I don't
know why.